The past month has been insane, for lack of a better word.
I've been learning a lot about myself that I haven't ever thought about before. Rest is very important in my life! I cannot function properly without it, as well as quiet time with God. Finding time to be alone has been one of the biggest struggles for me. I didn't realize how much these things fuel me.
I had no idea how much energy it would take everyday sitting through lectures, interceding, worshipping, having deep, meaningful conversations, thinking about outreach and how you and your team are going to minister, journaling, reading books, writing reports, writing sermons/testimonies/skits, and being around awesome people 24/7. On top of all this, I do many, many other things, and try to fit in time to spend with God by myself or talk to my family/friends at home. It's exhausting.There aren't enough hours in the day! I have no trouble laying my head down and going straight to sleep every night, that's for sure.
And yet, through the chaos that is Youth With A Mission Around the World Discipleship Training School, God has been speaking to me and giving me treasures that I will carry with me all my life.
I am learning more and more about my identity in Him. I've never struggled with that, but there's always room to learn more, right? He's my Daddy and I'm His daughter and He LOVES blessing me with gifts and love and joy and more. I just have to hold His hand and go where He leads. I'm really passionate about the Father's heart now. I could go on and on about this subject :)
I am also learning how to grab hold of the roots of sin in my life and get rid of them before they turn into ugly weeds. Recognizing sin as sin and getting rid of it immediately. It's rewarding and refreshing.
I'm learning to find my rest in Him, no matter what the circumstance, no matter where I am.
Tuning into the Spirit when I feel myself sinking is key.
While I was in Auckland to get my passport (which is a huge story in itself...), there was a lot of spiritual warfare going on around me and it was weighing heavily on me. The only way I got out of the fog was prayer and tuning my radio to His station and listening to His voice. God has a lot to say when you tune in...
He's been calling me out as an intercessor lately. The idea of me being an intercessor used to scare me. I couldn't see how that would work at all--I didn't even like praying! But what I've learned is, it isn't about me. All I have to do is be willing and open for God to use me as His instrument. Once I accepted that concept, He started giving me bits of His heart. It's hard to describe, but seeing the world through the Lord's eyes is intense to say the least...
He's been filling me in on little secrets of His lately and a lot of the time it causes me great heartache. His love is so deep and wide for His children. The only way I can get the weight off my heart and keep from crying is to give it back in prayer. Then He replaces it with joy again. This is something I never dreamed I would be doing! I love how He works. I love getting to know Him. I love that it's all about relationship.
Another cool thing that has happened in the last couple of weeks is THIS:
Before coming here, I hated reading the Bible (I hate reading anything.) I longed for a hunger for His Word, though. I prayed He'd give me a desire to read it and to know it. After getting my small group leader to pray with me about that, it just happened one day. I open up my Bible and I just want to soak it all in. It's like I've never read it before. Even the stories I grew up learning have a completely different meaning now. I see the depth of it. I LOVE IT! Yesssssssssssss. So good!
Okay, so now I'll jot a few fun facts down before I finish.
- Friday night photography/journaling outreach in Christchurch has been such a blessing. We've been able to talk to some awesome people and love on them and encourage them. Going on "treasure hunts" with God is one of the funnest things you can do! The people He's lead me to and the places He's told me to go have been truly amazing.
- My Asia outreach team is the bomb. I'm seriously stoked to see what God will do through us. I can't put any details online, but man oh man am I excited! God has me in the perfect group and I know without a doubt I am where I'm supposed to be right now.
- Sandflies can go rot in hell. I'm serious. I'm ticked off at the little poopoos. They're everywhere and they won't stop attacking me.
- The weekend trips have been SO GOOD! I've found a lot of rest during Saturdays at the beach or a coffee shop, or a hostle. It's funny--I've already traveled aaaallll around the south island and some of the north island in New Zealand.
- I have a problem with eating. I eat all the time here. It's bad. I've gained 5 pounds. And I can't stop buying chocolate. I think they put marijuana in it... just kidding. but not really. ok i am. but there's something about it...
- My after travel plans have been changed a billion times and I still don't know what's going on. It's quite frustrating, but at the same time God has taught me a lot about trusting Him through it. I know I'm eventually going to Romania to work in an orphanage. And I'm very excited about that. But who knows when that will be exactly... I'm just going with the flow like He told me (:
So, that's all I have for today. Sorry I haven't been updating as much as I said I would. Hopefully after reading this you have a little bit of an understanding as to why. Time for bed!
Goodnight, world. (or good morning, back home!)
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