It's crazy to realize that I've been home for a month.
Life is getting normal. I can't decide if I like that, though.
Some moments I am so thankful to be in America where everything I need or want is basically right at my fingertips.
Some moments all I want is to get out of here.
It's hard going through something so drastically life-changing for half of a year, then coming back to life as it was 7 months ago.
At times it's as if nothing has changed... as if I never even left.
In Israel, our leaders talked to us about struggles you experience back at home and how to deal with them when they come up. But you can't really know how to deal with things like that until you experience them. So that's what I'm doing now--experiencing. I feel like my second time around I will be more prepared for all these jumbled up emotions.
I'm handling it all pretty well, though... I am extremely blessed to live in a place where I'm surrounded by supportive friends and family and a church that understands exactly what I'm going through. I love that.
I started working at the same job I left. What a blessing to be able to do that... no big deal, just jumping right back in there like I took a couple weeks off.
And just when I started thinking "this job isn't giving me enough hours...I need something more", my sister asked me to teach her boys preschool. YES!
God has been opening doors for my future as well! I love how trusting in the Lord and being patient produces good fruit. I'm not sure of the timing quite yet, but it looks like I will be heavily involved with YWAM Paris and a ministry in Romania in the near future! I'm very excited. I'm still in prayer about the details of all this though. God keeps connecting the dots, but I can't see the big picture yet. I know whatever it looks like, it's going to be awesome!
Sometimes I can't fathom why in the world the Lord blesses me like He does. But He promises blessing when we respond to Him in love and obedience. That fact still blows my mind.
I'm reminded of times in my childhood where God showed me He was my provider. I could go on and on about the many times where He has showered me with gifts, simply because they were desires of mine and I asked.
I won't go into the whole story, but I dreamt of having a certain kind of dog, and I prayed I could have it. One day I opened my front door and the exact dog I had asked for, so precise she even had the spots in the exact places I had drawn them in on paper, was sitting on my doormat, waiting to come in. I'm not even kidding you.
Then there were multiple times I had needed some new clothes, voiced my need to my mother, then that week someone gave me entire trash bags full of clothes my size.
I remember Mom saying to me "Wow, Steph.... you'd better be prepared for what God wants you to do for Him in your future... it must be big."
That scared me.
I didn't want to do anything out of my comfort zone.
Fast forward 10 years or so....
I can't wait til the next time God puts me outside of my comfort zone!
Where is the adventure in staying in a safe place?
Where is the fulfillment in life if it's not in doing the Lord's work?
I can't think of a better way to spend my time.
I can't think of a more epic life than living out Matthew 28:19.
It terrified me at first, but now that I've gotten a taste of it I'm addicted.
I want those big plans He has for me. I want every one.
