so close!!!

Hey, it's me again... just under two weeks before I leave for outreach! I'm very excited but also freaking out a bit... time has gone by way too quickly. It's getting even more busy around here in preparation for leaving on top of intense lectures and homework. It's been difficult trying to keep my head above water lately. I'm learning more and more, in new ways, about trusting the Lord through every circumstance. Every day I have to say "God, I trust you. I choose not to worry and to have faith today. I believe that you are trustworthy and faithful." I continually have to pay attention to Him and declare truths about Him or else I break down and start going crazy. That's for real. The past few weeks have been hard. Emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually draining for sure. He's all that can give me real strength and comfort. 

A couple weeks ago He showed me many areas in my life that I didn't know I was struggling with, and I was able to bring those things before the cross and lay them down. But laying them down is something I have to do every day. I don't want to carry around burdens and stress. It isn't worth it! He's teaching me to give everything to Him--the good and the bad--every single day. Once I do it He gives me peace and joy, and that IS worth it. 

Last week was Holy Spirit week which was awesome and refreshing! Kim and Sonja came from Nashville to teach us and it totally felt like part of home came to me. I was loving it! I learned a lot about prophetic giftings and dreams, and also about the different characteristics of the Holy Spirit. It was great getting to let go and be myself with the HS again. It was much needed (:

So today is the deadline for outreach fees. A lot of people still don't have money... one of my team leaders doesn't have any of his outreach funds. We know he's supposed to be on outreach with us--God has confirmed it many times. But for some reason the money just hasn't come in for him. My other leader still needs a little money as well.

This has been such a learning process for me. I've never worried about money until this year... It's hard when you're down to the wire, have been praying and praying, and still people don't have their money. It's been a constant struggle for me! God talks to me about it all the time, though. He's teaching me to trust him with other people and stop stressing because I can't control it. Also, I don't have to understand everything. But it burdens my heart when people have a need that I can't fulfill. So, I've been learning more about replacing worry with intercession. It's good. 

That leads me to this question... Would you like to help? God is about to use this school in BIG ways. We're nation changers! We're about to go out into 17+ nations and spread the gospel and the Father's love. And guess what, you can be a part of it! Every person here needs the prayers and donations of others to be able to go out and be the hands and feet of Jesus. If you're interested in helping, hit the donate button at the top of this page! I like sharing (:

Thanks so much for all of you who have been supporting us. I really, really appreciate it!

I'll update again before leaving for Asia. 

LOVE!

PEACE!

Stephanie 

Church Serving Week

Hello again!
A lot has happened since I last updated... but I'm just going to write about this past week. God has done so much through us in a small amount of time! Last Thursday, our school broke up into our outreach teams and went out to serve. My team (Becky, Adrian, Francesca, Ruben, Allie, Aaron, and me) drove to Gore which is about 7 hours away and helped out at an Easter Camp there. Easter Camp is a huge deal here in New Zealand--it's what all the cool kids do! The one we were at was smaller...probably 200 teenagers. The Easter Camp the 3 other YWAM teams were at was HUGE. Around 4,000 teens went to that one! 
Anyway, on the way to Gore my team got to intercede for the camp and spend time just asking the Lord to use us as his hands and feet in any way needed. We had no idea what we were going to be doing there, but we were ready to serve and bring Jesus's love, joy, and peace! We ended up helping with dishes, games, small groups, counseling, cleaning, and more. One day we even got to teach a class about mission work! The theme was Micah 6:8 which is doing justly, loving mercy, and walking humbly with our God. We talked to the kids in depth about the verse, then preformed a skit we made up (hopefully I'll get that on video and on YouTube soon, it's great!). Then we got to talk to them one on one about things they enjoy doing and how they can use those things to glorify God and impact others' lives. It was awesome! 
It was really cool getting to know these kids and being part of their culture and learning more about New Zealand through them.


  One day during a break, our team decided it would be fun to go on a little adventure... so, we hiked down a hill, crossed the road, went down to a river bed, and gazed a while at a huge, mountain filled, sheep farm. One of the most beautiful places I've seen (especially because the sun was starting to set). Unfortunately I didn't have my camera, but I took a few pretend photos for sure! 
We decided looking at it from afar wasn't enough... so, we walked across the river on a fallen tree branch and out into the field. Then, when that still wasn't enough, Adrian and I decided to hike up this huge hill so we could get a better view. I thought it would be impossible to get to the top because of how steep it was... but no, we climbed up a dead pine tree, through the bushes and thistles and such until we successfully reached the top! I felt invincible! 
The view was totally worth it. I cannot fathom how a person can live here and not know God. It blows my mind! He's so beautiful. And the stuff He makes is pretty cool, too. :) 
On the way back down Adrian thought it would be a good idea to chuck this huge log down so he could make a better bridge across the river. So while I was focusing on climbing down this dead pine tree, avoiding getting bombarded by thorny plants and falling to my death, Adrian was, oh you know, just carrying a huge tree branch. It was hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing! 


  The rest of camp was super fun; full of games and getting to know people! It was sweet getting to be more personal with people because it was a smaller camp. I loved getting to see some kids' lives changed in just a few days! A lot of them accepted Jesus as their Savior by the end of camp! I was blessed to get to be part of that... I was also extremely blessed by the appreciation our team (they called us "The Beautiful YWAMers") got from the staff. They thanked us countless times in different ways. It felt so rewarding to serve! I love that feeling!


  After driving back 7 hours, we got to sleep at the base. It was nice to get to shower and sleep in my room! Tuesday morning we packed up the van once again and headed over to 0800 Hungry for the second part of church serving week! 0800 Hungry is an amazing organization that provides food for people in Christchurch who can't afford groceries and are in need. They keep all of the names of people they give food to and pray for them. It's seriously awesome. They are running very low on staff and they're in a large warehouse with loads of supplies coming in all the time. We spent the week unloading boxes, organizing shelves, cleaning, filling hundreds of boxes with food and supplies for families and getting them all ready to send out, and delivering. This was definitely the highlight of my week. I love being used in practical ways to impact the kingdom of heaven! 
Yesterday Allie and I got to deliver boxes around Christchurch. We saw a lot of the red zone (where the earthquake has damaged the city the most). We delivered to people who were obviously in bad situations, and it was hard seeing that. I wish I could have done more for them. Giving them food was meeting physical needs, but all of them were obviously hurting spiritually and emotionally too. We interceded for them in between runs and prayed for their personal situation. One lady let us pray with her, that was cool!
So anyway, it's been a great week... I've worked really hard and I'm exhausted, but man, I'm so thankful I got to do this!


Of course, when you're being used in great ways by God, Satan tries to come in and bring you down. He's attacked me in many ways this week, but because we've been so in tune with the Holy Spirit and unified as a team in prayer and worship, I've been able to catch it right away and pray against it. I've felt discouraged many times by lies and thoughts the enemy puts in my head but thank Jesus I came right back at him every time with scripture and prayer! It's been awesome having this new love for the Bible! It's my sword! BAM! Take that!
Another thing is sickness, though. I've realized this week how blessed I've been in NZ with my health! I came here and my allergies haven't bothered me at all. But working in that extremely dusty, dirty warehouse, I can hardly breathe anymore. Haha it's bad! It was hard at times pushing through it and working as hard as possible, but I kept a good attitude and got through it. And it felt goooood. Also, I didn't bring good shoes... and after working every day from 8:30am to 5:00pm on a hard concrete floor with no foot support, my leg started cramping up so bad! 
AH. I am extremely grateful to be back "home" with nothing to do tomorrow but rest. :)


  All in all, this week has been incredible. I saw God answer prayers left and right. We really made impact everywhere we went and in everything we did. Oh yeah! Before we left last week we had no idea where we would be sleeping or how we would even have food to eat... so our team prayed that God would provide and we declared that we trusted Him as our Father to give us more than we needed. Well, guess what? We ate four huge meals a day and I slept in one of the coziest beds ever. Yep, that's my Daddy. We asked, and He literally dumped blessing on us. I ate so much this week I don't remember what it feels like to be hungry... I think I gained 5 more pounds... Ha!!! so...many...Tim Tams....... 
hahaha okay that's all I've got.


BLESSINGS!

Chaos.

It's April? Man. Okay. Where do I start...


The past month has been insane, for lack of a better word. 
I've been learning a lot about myself that I haven't ever thought about before. Rest is very important in my life! I cannot function properly without it, as well as quiet time with God. Finding time to be alone has been one of the biggest struggles for me. I didn't realize how much these things fuel me.
I had no idea how much energy it would take everyday sitting through lectures, interceding, worshipping, having deep, meaningful conversations, thinking about outreach and how you and your team are going to minister, journaling, reading books, writing reports, writing sermons/testimonies/skits, and being around awesome people 24/7. On top of all this, I do many, many other things, and try to fit in time to spend with God by myself or talk to my family/friends at home. It's exhausting.There aren't enough hours in the day! I have no trouble laying my head down and going straight to sleep every night, that's for sure. 
And yet, through the chaos that is Youth With A Mission Around the World Discipleship Training School, God has been speaking to me and giving me treasures that I will carry with me all my life.


I am learning more and more about my identity in Him. I've never struggled with that, but there's always room to learn more, right? He's my Daddy and I'm His daughter and He LOVES blessing me with gifts and love and joy and more. I just have to hold His hand and go where He leads. I'm really passionate about the Father's heart now. I could go on and on about this subject :)


I am also learning how to grab hold of the roots of sin in my life and get rid of them before they turn into ugly weeds. Recognizing sin as sin and getting rid of it immediately. It's rewarding and refreshing.


I'm learning to find my rest in Him, no matter what the circumstance, no matter where I am.
Tuning into the Spirit when I feel myself sinking is key. 
While I was in Auckland to get my passport (which is a huge story in itself...), there was a lot of spiritual warfare going on around me and it was weighing heavily on me. The only way I got out of the fog was prayer and tuning my radio to His station and listening to His voice. God has a lot to say when you tune in... 
He's been calling me out as an intercessor lately. The idea of me being an intercessor used to scare me. I couldn't see how that would work at all--I didn't even like praying! But what I've learned is, it isn't about me. All I have to do is be willing and open for God to use me as His instrument. Once I accepted that concept, He started giving me bits of His heart. It's hard to describe, but seeing the world through the Lord's eyes is intense to say the least...
He's been filling me in on little secrets of His lately and a lot of the time it causes me great heartache. His love is so deep and wide for His children. The only way I can get the weight off my heart and keep from crying is to give it back in prayer. Then He replaces it with joy again. This is something I never dreamed I would be doing! I love how He works. I love getting to know Him. I love that it's all about relationship.


Another cool thing that has happened in the last couple of weeks is THIS:
Before coming here, I hated reading the Bible (I hate reading anything.) I longed for a hunger for His Word, though. I prayed He'd give me a desire to read it and to know it. After getting my small group leader to pray with me about that, it just happened one day. I open up my Bible and I just want to soak it all in. It's like I've never read it before. Even the stories I grew up learning have a completely different meaning now. I see the depth of it. I LOVE IT! Yesssssssssssss. So good!


Okay, so now I'll jot a few fun facts down before I finish.

• Friday night photography/journaling outreach in Christchurch has been such a blessing. We've been able to talk to some awesome people and love on them and encourage them. Going on "treasure hunts" with God is one of the funnest things you can do! The people He's lead me to and the places He's told me to go have been truly amazing.
• My Asia outreach team is the bomb. I'm seriously stoked to see what God will do through us. I can't put any details online, but man oh man am I excited! God has me in the perfect group and I know without a doubt I am where I'm supposed to be right now.
• Sandflies can go rot in hell. I'm serious. I'm ticked off at the little poopoos. They're everywhere and they won't stop attacking me.
• The weekend trips have been SO GOOD! I've found a lot of rest during Saturdays at the beach or a coffee shop, or a hostle. It's funny--I've already traveled aaaallll around the south island and some of the north island in New Zealand. 
• I have a problem with eating. I eat all the time here. It's bad. I've gained 5 pounds. And I can't stop buying chocolate. I think they put marijuana in it... just kidding. but not really. ok i am. but there's something about it...
• My after travel plans have been changed a billion times and I still don't know what's going on. It's quite frustrating, but at the same time God has taught me a lot about trusting Him through it. I know I'm eventually going to Romania to work in an orphanage. And I'm very excited about that. But who knows when that will be exactly... I'm just going with the flow like He told me (:

So, that's all I have for today. Sorry I haven't been updating as much as I said I would. Hopefully after reading this you have a little bit of an understanding as to why. Time for bed!

Goodnight, world. (or good morning, back home!)